Now it can be told: The real mastermind behind Bush's election

It wasn't Karl Rove. Oh, Karl's a crafty one. But he didn't clinch it.

Just for fun, just to keep the post-election euphoria going for another few hours — let's savor the plump, porcine presence of the real Bush re-election mastermind one more time.

Anyone recognize that poor dowdy sack o' misery sandwiched between the peanut farmer and the fat-farm refugee? She's probably still trying to scrub off the loser stink.

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Okay, okay. I know I shouldn't be gloating. I know it's wrong. I haven't posted yet about how I've felt living as a deeply closeted libertarianish Bush booster for the last four years in the darkest heart of liberal New York. I haven't told you how profoundly bullied I've felt inside. But I can tell you this: I've been flying since Tuesday. Every other brownstone in my neighborhood still sports a large "We the People say NO to the Bush Agenda" rainbow flag draped across its front. How can I not rejoice (inside, of course, only inside)?

I've been on vacation all week. I could barely stand the Bushitler hubbub at its steady bubbling-under pre-election levels, let alone at its climax. Tomorrow I go back to the office and face the parade of long-faced mourners traipsing through my path. "Tsk," I'll say in a too-resigned-to-really-care-anymore way when my bosses curse the fates, the Fox News Network, and the Diebold Corporation.

Inside, deep inside my closet, I'll laugh just a little. It feels so good, and I owe myself a little relief.

Heh.^TM

"Heh" is a trademark of the Instapundit International Sinister Rightwing Consortium.

 

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Comments

[Mick McMick]

Dear Michael Moore,

Congratulations on such a wonderful week of successes.

First the smashing Kerry victory on Payback Tuesday makes us so glad we featured you so prominently in the Presidential box at the convention. That was a great vote-getter for our acromegalic candidate, especially in the so-called "red" states. Keep counting those ballots. We'll show them what a "Red State" really is!

Then to have the great statesman, Chairman Arafat, displaying such vim and vigor to the world must be a real sour pill to the occupiers of Palestine. May he remain in his current state forever!

And now, our brave Minutemen of Fallujah are finally getting their opportunity to prove to the world their courage, and the popular support they have in the Iraqi community at large, by going toe to toe with U.S. Marines. Well, it must be just too much good news at once.

How can you stand it?

See you at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!