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Oops -- I spilled body wash on the SCSI port!

Patterico snarks amusingly at Brian Williams for saying bloggers "are on an equal footing with someone in a bathroom with a modem." Well, look, Brian -- you big-time media muckety-mucks talk about about having a story "in the can," why can't we? Come on -- 'in' the can, 'on' the can, what's the difference?

Don't knock bathroom-blogging. I personally think of all of my best posts in the shower. 'Course it plays hell on the keyboard, and the noise of the modem is ear-splitting when it echoes on the tiles, but that's how we bloggers do things. You know: In the bathroom. With a modem. A 1200 baud modem, as a matter of fact. 'Cause we're all unemployed and we spent our last grudging largesse from mom on pajamas, and anyway 1200 baud is fast enough when you're enjoying a nice hot shower. With the keyboard clutched in one hand. And a soapy loofah in the other.

Oh, and a note to the author of the article: Don't you dare call me a "self-styled journalist." It's "soi-disant journalist" to you, pal.

Update: Hindrocket at PowerLine relates an odd encounter with Williams and asks:

What's next, nude blogging from our hot tubs?

Two predictions: First, I will get a pathetically large number of Google hits just for repeating the strings "nude blogging" and "hot tubs."

Second, it won't be long before some enterprising soul combines the nude webcam concept with the blogging concept, and starts blogging in real time on a webcam while nude in a hot tub.

Please, don't let it be Oliver Willis.

Update: INDC Journal has a photo of Brian Williams' vision.

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"Pretending" to be a 3-year-old? The whining sounds real enough.

WSJ's Best of the Web Today reports on the sad decline that has befallen many a Democrat since the election (highlights mine):

More female caretakers said Wednesday that a Charleston financial adviser pretended to be a 3-year-old, made them change his diaper and tried to grope them. Charleston police Detective S.A. Dempsey said that several more home health-care workers alleged that William Warren Mucklow victimized them. ... Some alleged victims--all women--told police they responded to classified ads that sought a caretaker for a mentally ill man who acts like a toddler, Dempsey said. . . .

No confirmation yet that "William Mucklow" is actually a pseudonym for "Lawrence O'Donnell," whose crybaby crankiness of late reveals that he desperately needs his diaper changed. He could probably use a time-out too.

Hell, I'm old-fashioned. Forget the time-out. I say give the whiny brat a spanking.

 

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Now it can be told: The real mastermind behind Bush's election

It wasn't Karl Rove. Oh, Karl's a crafty one. But he didn't clinch it.

Just for fun, just to keep the post-election euphoria going for another few hours — let's savor the plump, porcine presence of the real Bush re-election mastermind one more time.

Anyone recognize that poor dowdy sack o' misery sandwiched between the peanut farmer and the fat-farm refugee? She's probably still trying to scrub off the loser stink.

---------

Okay, okay. I know I shouldn't be gloating. I know it's wrong. I haven't posted yet about how I've felt living as a deeply closeted libertarianish Bush booster for the last four years in the darkest heart of liberal New York. I haven't told you how profoundly bullied I've felt inside. But I can tell you this: I've been flying since Tuesday. Every other brownstone in my neighborhood still sports a large "We the People say NO to the Bush Agenda" rainbow flag draped across its front. How can I not rejoice (inside, of course, only inside)?

I've been on vacation all week. I could barely stand the Bushitler hubbub at its steady bubbling-under pre-election levels, let alone at its climax. Tomorrow I go back to the office and face the parade of long-faced mourners traipsing through my path. "Tsk," I'll say in a too-resigned-to-really-care-anymore way when my bosses curse the fates, the Fox News Network, and the Diebold Corporation.

Inside, deep inside my closet, I'll laugh just a little. It feels so good, and I owe myself a little relief.

Heh.^TM

"Heh" is a trademark of the Instapundit International Sinister Rightwing Consortium.

 

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I could have told you, Michael: This world was never meant for one so beautiful as you.

Michael Moore has finally broken his post-election silence with a post on his website. Apparently his followers have more than one thing in common with lemmings; he seems to suspect that they may be on the brink of committing mass suicide.

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

He then lists 17 rather forlorn reasons for his followers to continue living. Powerline has enlisted the blogosphere's help in countering these arguments. I’ve read Powerline religiously throughout the election season, so I feel duty-bound to answer the call.

I'm a bit ambivalent about encouraging Moore's followers to go ahead and, "in the words of Monty Python," shuffle off their mortal coil, run down the curtain and join the bleedin' choir invisible. Oh, the Moorians are annoying, it's true, but it's my opinion that Bush couldn't have won the election without the Dems' warm embrace of Moore at their convention — and Tom Daschle's literal embrace of Moore may have lost him just enough votes to end the career of everyone's least favorite hatchet-faced obstructionist.

So it is with great regret that I say: Michael, thanks to you and your followers for helping the GOP to victory. But your work here is done, so to counter your "17 reasons not to slit your wrists", I offer you:

17 Reasons for Michael Moore and His Acolytes to Seek Solace in the Eternal Void.

1. Be honest: Is life worth living under a Bushitler regime? Think of it: The Chimp’s smirking mug leering at you every day for four years… every day…  and remember, dying only hurts for a minute. I’m just saying. (Every day! Even on NPR, you’ll hear his voice when they do the news! And on Morning Edition! Even on All Things Considered!)
2. No more earnings to be taxed to fund fictitious wars fought by fictitious presidents.
3. It'll definitively answer the question: "Bush lied; Who died?"
4. It will show solidarity with the poor downtrodden Palestinians, whose highest goal in life has always been suicide in the service of defeating the Zionist war machine.
5. If suicide is accomplished with firearms, it will serve to reinforce the thesis of Bowling for Columbine: Those craven Americans sure are obsessed with guns and killing.
6. Fuel for several years' worth of moonbat conspiracy theories; doesn't it seem a bit too convenient that Bushitler's sworn enemies should all start killing themselves at once?
7. Sudden demand for body bags would further increase petroleum prices, reinforcing the absurdity of Bushitler's war for cheap oil.
8. Won't be around to feel the pain when Castro and Arafat depart this earthly plane. (Hurry — Arafat's in the departure queue!)
9. It's the only way you can crash the Pearly Gates and get that hostile ambush interview with God.
10. You can found a new PAC to support the mass suicide: PassOn.org.
11. Must die soon, or Dan Rather won't be able to cover your death.
12. Help George Soros make back some of the money he lost backing Kerry — give him a heads-up before you do it and he can game the dead pools.
13. If you work quickly, you'll have time to prepare a place in Hell for the soon-to-arrive hordes of heroic Fallujah "Minutemen."
14. You'll be right at home in Hell. It's a blue state.
15. Shoo-in to have special montage created to honor you at next year's Cannes, to the tune of a melancholy rendition of "We Shall Overcome."
16. You'll still be able to vote, especially in Chicago.
17. Two words: President Giuliani.

(A new blog, IgnoreMoore, has countered Moore’s list with a point-by-point Fisking, in the unthinkable event that anyone finds the above list insufficiently persuasive.)

 

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